Traditionally, an engagement has followed specific rules. The male partner bought a ring and proposed to the female, the bride’s parents paid for the wedding, and the ceremony and reception were traditional as well. However, as the world becomes more progressive and it’s increasingly common for same-sex partners to get married, some people wonder how the etiquette has changed and how they should propose to their partner.

Determine Whether You Should Be the One to Propose

The answer to whether or not you should propose is quite simple. If you want to ask your partner to marry you, do it. The idea of the engagement ring may or may not be the same for you as it is for a heterosexual couple. If you decide to give your partner an engagement ring, he or she may be the only one to wear one. However, some same-sex couples prefer to propose to each other. One partner will propose in a surprising way, and the other will do the same a few weeks later. Of course, if a ring is not important to you and your partner, you may both decide not to wear them and spend the money you would have used on a ring on the wedding or honeymoon.

Decide if You Should Ask for Permission From Your Partner’s Parents

The tradition of asking a parent’s permission before proposing marriage generally has more to do with age than anything else. If you and your partner are young, you may ask his or her parents for permission to propose. If you are an older couple or if you have been together for many years, asking permission isn’t necessary. Of course, if you aren’t comfortable with the idea, there is no need to talk to the parents first.

Choose a Time and Place to Propose to Your Same-Sex Partner

This is usually the hardest part of any proposal. You have to decide when and where will be the perfect time to pop the question. Valentine’s Day and Christmas are two times when proposing is popular, but you may decide you’d rather pick a unique time. Consider the anniversary of your first date or first kiss or simply a favorite time of year for you both. When it comes to choosing where to propose, think about the places that are important to you.

• The first place you met
• The place you had your first date
• The place where you first kissed
• The place where you took your first vacation together
• Your partner’s favorite spot in the city
• A place you enjoy together

You may also want to consider crowds. Some people like to make proposals very public, but if you or your partner are more private, you may prefer a more secluded proposal location.

Decide What to Say

Are you the creative type? If so, consider coming up with a small poem or even writing a song to make the moment even more special. Maybe you’d like to spell out the questions in a unique way, such as in a flower garden or with something that is meaningful to the relationship. Of course, a simple “Will you marry me?” works just as well. Whatever you say, just make sure it’s from the heart.

Pop the Question

Once you’ve decided when, where and what you’ll say, it’s time to pop the question. If you are planning something special, you may need to enlist friends or family for help to ensure everything goes smoothly, so be sure to take care of the specifics in advance.

Proposing marriage to someone you love is likely to be one of the biggest moments of your life, but try not to let it make you too nervous. In most cases, your partner will be thrilled with the idea and you’ll quickly be on the road to your next important day — the wedding.